Multi-tasking women have known it for years – women cope with stress a lot better than men.

Clearly, men and women tend to cope with stress in very different ways — but why? 

Scientists believe it could be down to the protective effect of oestrogen, which appears to ‘block’ the negative effects of stress on the brain.

“Previous studies have found that females are more resilient to chronic stress and now our research has found the reason why,” said Dr Yan, a professor in the department of physiology and biophysics at the University of Buffalo. “We have examined the molecular mechanism underlying gender-specific effects of stress”.

Amongst other reasons why men and women react differently to stress are hormones.

Three play a crucial role… Cortisol, Epinephrine, and Oxytocin.
When stress strikes, hormones called cortisol and epinephrine together raise a person’s blood pressure and circulating blood sugar level, and cortisol alone lowers the effectiveness of the immune system.

“People used to think there was a difference in the amounts of cortisol released during a stressful situation in women,” says Robert Sapolsky, PhD, professor of neurobiology at Stanford University. “The thinking was women released more of this hormone, and that produced all sorts of nutty theories about why women are so emotional.” 

But the fact of the matter, explains Sapolsky, is that there is no consistent difference in cortisol production at all between men and women. It really all comes down to the hormone called oxytocin.

In women, when cortisol and epinephrine rush through the bloodstream in a stressful situation, oxytocin comes into play. It is released from the brain, countering the production of cortisol and epinephrine, and promoting nurturing and relaxing emotions.

While men also secrete the hormone oxytocin when they’re stressed, it’s in much smaller amounts, leaving them on the short end of the stick when it comes to stress and hormones.

“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.”

Fight or Flight 

While most people are familiar with the fight or flight theory (when confronted with stress, do you stay and fight or turn tail and run?), there’s a new theory in town tailored just for women.

An influential study published in the July 2000 issue of Psychological Review reported that females were more likely to cope with stress by “tending and befriending” — that is, nurturing those around them and reaching out to others. “Tending involves nurturant activities designed to protect the self and offspring that promote safety and reduce distress; befriending is the creation and maintenance of social networks that may aid in this process,” write researchers, including Shelly E. Taylor, PhD, a distinguished professor in the department of psychology at UCLA.

Why do women tend and befriend instead of fight or flight? The reason, in large part, is oxytocin combined with female reproductive hormones, explained researchers in the study.

Men, on the other hand, with smaller amounts of oxytocin, lean toward the tried and true fight or flight response when it comes to cope with stress — either bottling it up and escaping, or fighting back.

Demand vs. Energy 

“The major sex differences I see have to do with the management of demand and maintenance of energy,” says Carl Pickhardt, PhD, a psychologist and author of The Everything Parent’s Guide to Positive Discipline. “Because male self-esteem is often built around adequacy of performance, and female self-esteem is often built around adequacy of relationships, overdemand and insufficient self-maintenance tend to cut somewhat different ways for women and for men.” 

A woman, explains Pickhardt, is often at risk of letting other people’s needs determine her limits, while her own needs are ignored.

“Self-sacrifice in relationships is how many women enter stress,” says Pickhardt, who is a spokesman for the American Psychological Association.

Men, on the other hand, are often at risk of letting challenge and competition set the pace.

“Men tend to let their rival’s efforts or their employer’s agenda set the level of their demand, losing focus on the self to preoccupation with winning or attaining an extrinsic objective,” Pickhardt tells WebMD. “Achieving a winning performance at all costs is how many men enter stress.”

What is the greatest stressor for women and for men? Not surprisingly, “Relationship loss for women, performance failure for men, are often the greatest stressors each sex experiences,” says Pickhardt.

Managing Stress 

When it comes to managing stress, men and women just handle it differently.

“Managing stress is very different by sex,” says Pickhardt. “Women often seek support to talk out the emotional experience, to process what is happening and what might be done.” 

Whether its friends, family, or a support group, women like to tell their stories.

“Men often seek an escape activity to get relief from stress, to create a relaxing diversion, to get away,” says Pickhardt.

Golfing is a common example of how men escape — they’re acting out their stressful energy in a challenging way while enjoying the companionship of other men. They typically, explains Pickhardt, don’t take time out of a round of golf to discuss their feelings or stress amongst each other.

Stress and Evolution

For both sexes, stress has evolved from the days on the savannah when we were running for our lives. Now, it’s mortgage payments and childcare that keep us up night after night.

Unfortunately, because the hormonal result of stress is increased blood pressure and circulating blood sugar levels, and a less-effective immune system, chronic stress can lead to serious health problems.

“Men and women need to find ways to deal with chronic stress. This is not what the body has evolved for, and it can increase a person’s risk of everything from heart disease to metabolic disorders to impaired wound healing,” says Sapolsky.

“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.”

How Do You Relieve Stress

The best way to manage your stress is to learn healthy coping strategies. You can start practicing these tips right away. Try one or two until you find a few that work for you. Practice these techniques until they become habits you turn to when you feel stress.

Stress-relief techniques focus on relaxing your mind and your body.

Write… It may help to write about things that are bothering you. Write for 10 to 15 minutes a day about stressful events and how they made you feel. Or think about tracking your stress. This helps you find out what is causing your stress and how much stress you feel. After you know, you can find better ways to cope.

Let your feelings out… Talk, laugh, cry, and express anger when you need to. Talking with friends, family, a counselor, or a member of the clergy about your feelings is a healthy way to relieve stress.

Do something you enjoy… You may feel that you’re too busy to do these things. But making time to do something you enjoy can help you relax. It might also help you get more done in other areas of your life.

Try: 
A hobby, such as gardening.
A creative activity, such as writing, crafts, or art.
Playing with and caring for pets.
Volunteer work.

Focus on the present… Meditation and guided imagery are two ways to focus and relax your mind. When you meditate, you focus your attention on things that are happening right now. Paying attention to your breathing is one way to focus.

With guided imagery, you imagine yourself in any setting that helps you feel calm and relaxed. You can use audiotapes, books, or a teacher to guide you

Exercise… Regular exercise is one of the best ways to manage stress. Walking is a great way to get started. Even everyday activities such as housecleaning or yard work can reduce stress. Stretching can also relieve muscle tension.

Try techniques to relax. Breathing exercises, muscle relaxation, and yoga can help relieve stress.
Breathing exercises. These include roll breathing, a type of deep breathing.

Progressive muscle relaxation. This technique reduces muscle tension. You do it by relaxing separate groups of muscles one by one.

Yoga, tai chi, and qi gong. These techniques combine exercise and meditation. You may need some training at first to learn them. Books and videos are also helpful. You can do all of these techniques at home.

In addition to practicing these skills, you might also try some other techniques to reduce stress, such as massage or music therapy.